Because I’m busy icing my knees and flipping out about upcoming races… guest post!
Bryan Allain is a wonderful author and blogger who writes mostly about faith and popular culture. Key aspect: he is hilarious. Enjoy his guest post, and then hop over to his blog and add him to your reading list. Thanks again Bryan!
Cheers! I’ll be back later this weekend with a race recap!
Since this is a guest post for the SwimSutra, I figured I had to tackle one of the most divisive issues i my life: my love/hate relationship with water.
They say your body weight is made up of almost 70% water, but honestly, who really believes that? I suppose they want us to believe that 70% of the earth’s surface is covered by water too? Sorry, I wasn’t born yesterday Mr. Wizard. But no matter the numbers and the theology, you can’t avoid water in your life. And for me, that can be a really good OR a really bad thing.
Let me explain…
Drinking: When I’m really thirsty there’s only one thing I crave: cool (not cold) water. Forget beer, soda, milk, or iced tea. Water quenches my thirst like nothing else. In high school we’d play neighborhood football games up the street and I’d always forget to bring water with me. 2 hours later I’d come back to the house, parched like a sponge stuck on a cactus. I’d fill up a huge cup with water and I’d always pause right before I started gulping because I knew I was about to experience a little bit of heaven. In those moments: Water is GOOD.
Swimming: I’m not sure if you’ve seen my nose or not, but the combined circumference of my nostrils is longer than a butter knife. This meant that I was the teenager at the pool who was jumping in with his nose blocked. I hated pool parties, trips to the oceans, and all the horse play that went along with water activities. Everytime I went under I’d have a gallon of water rushing into my brain. Heck, I even put off being baptized for a couple years because I was afraid of getting water up my nose. In those moments: WATER is BAD.
Golfing: I’m not the guy who’s scared to hit golf shots over water per se, it’s just that i hate losing golf balls in “the drink”. Every golf course should have a collection system at the bottom of their lakes that collects the balls and gives you one back for every one you hit in. Losing a stroke is bad enough, but keeping my $3 golf ball after I just paid $50 to walk around your lawn? Why don’t you just spit in my face. Again, in this case WATER is BAD.
Tea: Nothing I love better on a winter night than a cup of loose leaf tea. I prefer a white tea or a rooibos, but just about anything is good. And as we all know to make tea you need 3 main ingredients: Tea Leaves, Water, and finely ground crack cocaine. When it comes to my favorite relaxed evening refreshment, WATER is GOOD.
Washing the Car: I am not a big believer in washing the car. To me the outside of the car is equivalent to the outside of a house, and both should be washed with the same regularity (maybe once every 5 years). My wonderful wife Erica, on the other hand, believes the same thing that everyone reading this probably believes: that the outside of cars should be kept clean. She’s right,of course, but hey it’s marriage and it comes with the terrain. And just because she’s right doesn’t mean I have to like washing the car, because I don’t.Water = bad.
In the end, despite all the problems water has brought into my life, I’d still have to say I can’t live without it. Mostly because, well, I can’t live without it. And for the record, I have since learned how to jump in a pool without looking like the nose-blocking moron that I once was.
(I’m still a moron, of course, but just not a nose-blocking one.)
You can find more reasons Bryan loves/hates water, as well as his daily musings about the humorous side of life, faith, pop culture, and living among the Amish at his blog, BryanAllain.com. You can also find him on Twitter at twitter.com/bryanallain.i